Humour/Quotes/Inspiration

Sailing Humour; Quotes; Inspirations

We will be collecting sailing quotes and humour: 

Feel free to email us any sailing quote/inspiration/humour you find will be useful to add to our page:  email to:  maree@topsidesup.com

What makes a person want to go out and sail the 7 seas, live in a confined space, with little fresh supplies, get salty water all over you, smelly crew?  Some would say insanity!  Sailing is a passion, a life for some, for others Sailing is just FREEDOM.  What does sailing mean to you?

 

 

sailing
Sailing humour

Why is humour in our life important?  Can we really live without humour?  How many times a day do we appreciate people’s humour?  When is the last time you had a real good belly laugh?When is the re kids more into humour than adults?  Studies have shown that humour and laughter and good for the soul, so we will be building up our Humour library here, which will hopefully add some laughter to your life or at least perhaps a chuckle or smirk!

Sailing Humour:

         

  • sailingThe Pirate Parrot’s Peril: So there’s this Pirate with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he’s a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the pirate who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird’s foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, “QUIT IT!” But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then he gets mad and says, “I’ve had enough of you.” and locks the bird in a cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran pirate blush. At that point, he is so mad that he throws the Parrot into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible ruckus. The bird kicks and claws and squawks to no avail. Then it suddenly gets very quiet. At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he’s so worried that he opens up the freezer door. The bird calmly climbs onto the man’s out-stretched arm and says, “Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I’ll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on. By the way, what did the chicken do?”

 

  • Three Wishes: There were three men out sailing, when it began to storm. Their boat was wrecked by the storm, and washed up on a deserted Island. They started to walk along the beach and found a bottle. They picked it up and began rubbing the sand off, when all of a sudden, a genie popped out. The Genie said “Since you have released me from the bottle, I will grant each of you one wish.” The first man said, “I really miss my wife and grandchildren. I wish I were back home.” Poof! He was gone. The second man said, “This is great! I wish I were in Hawaii on the beach, with a good hot meal to eat.” Poof! He was gone, too! The third man looked around and said, “You know, it’s lonely around here, I really miss those guys.”

 

  • sailingTreasure Hunters: Bill and Tom had rented a Boat and Scuba gear to seek treasure off the coast of the Carolinas. They had been diving in various locations, with little success. It was starting to get very late, when they happened upon this old trunk on the bottom. The trunk was to heavy for them to raise, so they decided to come back the next day and bring tools to open it. While on the boat, they looked around and realized they were several miles off shore, when Bill said ” Tom we need to somehow mark this spot, so we can find it tomorrow!”. Well Tom, not being very bright, took a can of black paint, which just happened to be on board, and marked a big “X” on the floor of the boat. Bill, absolutely dumbfounded, said “Tom, I can’t believe you did that, what if we are unable to rent this boat tomorrow!”

 

  • A Navy Admiral (*which Navy will go unspecified) was being court-martialed for an incident where he was found to be chasing a young lady through the hallways of the hotel in which they were both staying.  Neither of them were wearing anything. One of the charges was that of “being out of uniform.”  The Admiral’s lawyer argued that the officer was not out of uniform, as the regulations read: “A Naval officer must be at all times be appropriately attired for the activity in which he is engaged.”  The Admiral was acquitted.

 

  • Toilets on Boats: There is nothing as relaxing as being out on the open sea, listening to the waves and the wind and the sails and voices downstairs yelling “HOW DO YOU FLUSH THESE TOILETS”?  –
    David Barry workinghumor.com/quotes/boats

 

  • Sailing Sailors Life: An old sea captain was sitting on a bench near the wharf when a young man walked up and sat down. The young man had spiked hair and each spike was a different color…. green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.
    After a while the young man noticed that the captain was staring at him.”What’s the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?The old captain replied, “Got drunk once and married a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son!”

 

  • Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain. This captain was very successful at what he did for years he guided merchant ships all over the world.  Never did stormy seas or pirates get the best of him. He was admired by his crew and fellow captains. However, there was one thing different about this captain. Every morning he went through a strange ritual. He would lock himself in his captain’s quarters and open a small safe.  In the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside. He would stare at the paper for a minute, then lock it back up. After, he would go about his daily duties.  For years this went on, and his crew became very curious. Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love? Everyone speculated about the contents of the strange envelope.  One day the captain died at sea. After laying the captain’s body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew into the captains quarters. He opened the safe, got the envelope, opened it and… The first mate turned pale and showed the paper to the others. Four words were on the paper, two on two lines:  Port Left, Starboard Right.

 

  • The Coast Guard cutter tuned in to a faint distress signal from a sinking pleasure craft. “What is your position? Repeat, what is your position?” shouted the radio operator into the microphone. Finally a faint reply crackled over the static: “I’m executive vice president of First Global Bank – please hurry!”

 

  • Sailing in a Storm:  There were three men out sailing, when it began to storm. Their boat was wrecked by the storm, and washed up on a deserted Island. They started to walk along the beach and found a bottle. They picked it up and began rubbing the sand off, when all of a sudden, a genie popped out. The Genie said “Since you have released me from the bottle, I will grant each of you one wish.”The first man said, “I really miss my wife and grandchildren. I wish I were back home.” Poof! He was gone. The second man said, “This is great! I wish I were in Hawaii on the beach, with a good hot meal to eat.” Poof! He was gone, too! The third man looked around and said, “You know, it’s lonely around here, I really miss those guys.”

 

  • Captain vs Seaman: Dead ahead, through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light
    on a collision course with his ship.
    He sends a signal: “Change your course ten degrees east.”
    “Change yours ten degrees west,” comes the reply.
    The captain responds, “I’m a United States Navy captain! Change your course, sir!”
    “I’m a seaman second class,” the next message reads. “Change your course, sir.”
    The captain is furious. “I’m a battleship! I’m not changing course!”
    “I’m a lighthouse. Your call.”

 

Inspriations:

  • “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” Mark Twain
  • Life’s like sailing;  You’re better to enjoy your journey on the ship instead of just waiting to reach the destination.  Author unknown

 

sailing
Time to Sail away

 sailing